A bit of history class. KNIL stands for Koninklijk Nederlands Indisch Leger (= Royal Netherlands Indies Army),  Yes, the abbreviation is in Dutch. As an Indonesian kid, I was taught of a troop of Indonesian-root soldiers work for KNIL. Indonesia was a 350-year Dutch colony and when Indonesia got their independence in 1945, KNIL was also over. However, thanks to history classes that doctrinized us for years -and without any intention of disrespect- we still put the terminology "tentara KNIL" (KNIL soldiers) if we jokingly telling stories of Indonesians that bully their fellow Indonesians but act nice to people from different root (most of the time, to the white men, or what is so called bule).

However!! There IS modern day KNIL soldiers, apparently. It is quite sad to see how people behave like bastards to their own people and serve their sweetest smile to whoever comes from what they think is superior race, and in this case, of course, is to people they work for. I am talking about embassy officers. For the 10th time, their attitude to their fellow Indonesians (= me) is, again, rude, but then they gave my husband the best service they can give (today my husband needed to call them from his country 15000km away just to make sure that my visa process would be okay). Unbelievable, I know, but it happens. And it is sad. Even my husband commented on me, "well sayang, it would have been much easier if you would speak my language." Hmm, interesting advice, but I am not going to do it, even if I can write a good book in my husband's language. I am not going to speak any other language to my Indonesians fellow just because they look down on me whenever I speak Indonesian. No way.

It is funny to notice that since I've been married to a Dutch guy, the more and more I see how discriminative this world is. In this internet era where the world is more and more borderless, who would have thought that discrimination issues (gender or race or age, whatever) still exist? I read a lot in magazines and newspaper, but I always thought that it has always been a myth or exaggerated, or it happens only in specific parts of the world. Not here, though... and not in what so called most-civilized-western countries, i suppose! (errrrr... aren't those guys who was first screaming about human rights and respect?). For 28 years of my life, that non-discrimination-world thought has always been in my mind: how the world is one big peaceful place and how beautiful differences are etc etc...... until recently. I can describe some simple-true-story examples that changed my paradigm A LOT on how the world goes.

First example.
I was having vacation in my husband's country, and the immigration officer in the airport asked usual immigration questions, and i naively admitted to her that I was visiting my husband. She had already a never-took-shower-sloppy face but when i told her that I am visiting my husband, she changed appearance from a frog to a pig. She started a drama.
"I can see that you stayed too long in your last visit here couple months ago"
"Excuse me, Mam?"
"You stayed too long."
"No, i did not. I never stayed in here more than 2 weeks, and the visa was for 30days."
"No, you stayed too long. Last visit was 2 days longer and the earlier one was 1 day longer. Why did you do that?"
"I did not stay too long."
"Yes, you did. Go now, but DO NOT STAY TOO LONG!"
She screamed at me. The pig screamed at me. For something I did not do. Later on I double checked the data, and still I was not guilty.
Lesson learnt: Do not admit that you are visiting your husband (even if it is true). Just say you are on vacation and that you enjoyed their country so much on your last vacation (even if it is not true).

Second example.
I needed to register my marriage in my husband's townhall in his city/town. So we came to the townhall and queued up. My husband had already warned me beforehand.
"Oh oh, looks like that b**ch will be the officer for us. I can see it from her face. Be patient ya, sayang."
She did not say anything but she looked at me from head to toe and back just to make sure I am not an "ayam" (ayam = chicken in bahasa indonesia) brought from kampoeng and that this is a real marriage. She asked us a lot of questions to do some investigation that this is a real marriage or not. Okay, I can accept if that is the procedure. A painful procedure, though, since you know that the procedure is set up by the system. And this system is apparently very strict on people coming to their country, and to make sure on that, they generalize everyone and treat them without respect at the first place until they are proven "clean". So, I have been treated like an ayam in my husband's country. Just because I am a stranger who is married to a native. I could not help but pissed.

Third Example.
This is an extremely simple example that is also extremely annoying. Since I made announcement to everyone that I was going to get married to a bule, a lot of people I know congratulated me!!!! Ehm, for what, do you know? For having relationship to a white man (or to be more polite, to a bule)! And this came from my relatives who are also Indonesians, and well educated!!. And they are not joking, they are very serious on that. Unbelievable! I am married to my husband because I love him. Not because he's green or purple. Am I heard enough now?

Fourth Example.
At first stage of my husband and I being together, we were not very comfortable walking in public. Too many people staring at us (especially when we were in Bali), with judging look, to check whether or not we are typical "bule and ayam" couple. Bule and ayam couple means couples that exist a lot in most south-east asian countries, mostly consist of 50+ fat belly and bald bule and trashy-look women that are super young who are together with the bule because of dollars. To avoid having "bule & ayam" stamp on our foreheads, some gave me advice to dress properly with long sleeves and basic boring (preferably) dark colour. But, hey, this is Indonesia with hot humid climate and still I can not wear whatever I want to wear just because I want to keep people's opinion??? I dont think it is wise! Let them think what they want to think and pitty on them! I have decided to ignore them and dress how I want to dress, from goldish nail to bling bling belt with red dresses. I dont care. Pitty that this still happens. But what can I say, "bule and ayam" phenomena exist everywhere in poor countries, and in this case, I can consider myself as a victim of these narrow-minded people paradigm. My bestfriend strongly suggested me to make a statement to everyone that I actually have a profession as an engineer so they know that I am not an ayam. Good advice, but i dont need that either. I am an engineer because i want to, and it has nothing to do with my image.

Fifth Example.
The more I complain about "ayam and bule" phenomena, the more I realize that actually it is not a discrimination problem, but more to economical problem, instead. And it is not about harrassment, because it happens from both ways, from the bule side (represents sleezy westerners) and from the ayams (represents sleezy southeast asian sluts). I have some celebrity friends that are living in glamourous lifestyle and looks like having no problem at all with money,  but still chasing bule for various reasons: dollars & diamonds, their mindset that bule are always handsome (so that they can have more handsome and beautiful kids), international exposure, and bigger di*k (than most asian men's). Believe me,it does not only happen in Indonesia, but also in neighbour countries (indo-china, etc). One lady I somewhat know who is quite famous in the neighbour country did not even look one eye to men from her own country but instead she spent her life chasing white men for whatever reason. I dont quite get it because she does not even speak English very well!! And again, it makes me puke to think that now people might think I am similar to this bule-chaser-type of girl, just because I am married to the one I love. Blessing in disguise, though, because i am now a 49kg skinny bitch, not a 53kg one anymore. Maybe because i puke a lot? :D But again, i cannot judge, because  this inferior phenomena to the westerners is actually due to economy problem in the country. So who's to blame?

What is sad to see and to hear is that Indonesia is exposed to the world as one of the highest security level country because too many internal wars. That is not what my experience tells me, really. All my life, I have always been exposed to Indonesian people who have respect to other people from different religions, cultures and tribes. Indonesia is really a diversed country,it consits of at least 13000 islands and 1000 different cultures, yet the people know how to get together and have fun together. If for example I wear hijab or mukena' along the streets in those non-moslem countries, maybe it would make everyone that are friends with me paranoid. It is not going to happen in Indonesia. Indonesians are far more open-minded than those people elsewhere that claim themselves super open.

From gender to cultures to religions, Indonesia is the place where people are very used to such differences. Out of 28 years of my life being exposed to Indonesian culture and more cultures outside Indonesia, I can see how modern the mind of Indonesian people is (except for the ones who work for this embassy that i mentioned earlier). Especially when it is compared to the countries that announced themselves most civilized but actually still live in the stone age: seeing women with hijab makes their knees shaking, seeing people with different color makes their nose going up high for arrogance. In my eyes, this is typical indication of people with narrow mind who does not go out or travel a lot. And about my country, if it is not because of economy problem, I can assure you that this land of Indonesia is surely a dreamland. At least from mindset of the people point-of-view. Because when it comes to money and better lifestyle, everyone, no matter where they come from and their financial status is, can be a prostitute of themselves. Pitty!

P.S.:

To my dear friends... Yes I know this one can not be categorized as an essay, because it is full of emotional statements. But even the nicest girl on earth have their own emotional moment.. and i am for sure not the nicest girl on earth.... :)